lame, lame, lame! December 10, 2007

So my English teacher assigned us a short story. Its due Thursday, and I have to include two sorts of irony, as well as annotate the irony when I use it, then later explain and analyze the irony I used and why. This sucks. I hate prompts. I hate writing for schoolwork. I’m horrible at it. I hate censor it all so my teacher will get it and not try and tell me how to ‘better myself’. Retarded.

So, Letting Go is still going through editing. I haven’t thought of an ending to the chapter, so I’ve been going over and over it to try and think of something.

To make things worse, my mom has decided to throw bitchfits every five minutes and demand that I clean my room. I went into a cleaning frenzy over the summer and got everything off the floor, separated into piles, filled bags with trash and Goodwill items, and I had finally started resting when mom came in and ruined it. I had a nice, clean room, and she decided to pull everything out of my closet. I haven’t used the closet for years. Its filled with junk from my sisters’ childhood. I can’t fit my stuff in there, and I don’t plan to try. Mom, however, had different thoughts, and decided to ‘help’. Great. So, she ruined my room and then yelled at me later for having a dirty room.

Here’s the thing: I HAVE OCD! You can’t mess with my stuff when I have it at a point where I’m happy with it. And she messed it up! I got so upset, I refused to even go into my room for another week. I’m not going to clean if all my mom is going to do is bitch at me about it.

So now I’m swamped with English and Science homework with a bitchy mother on my back. Sorry for the lack of updates, but… I’m trying here, people. Just know that.

and now how to end it? December 5, 2007

I wrote even more today. I don’t know how to end the chapter, though. Hmm. Sex? Nope, too soon. I want them to just fuck already. But I can’t do that. Dammit.

dammit! December 3, 2007

I’m pissed! I worked on Letting Go, and then I decided to change half the chapter, and then I wrote more at school today, and I want to put that in, and I feel like a retard. Why do I set these dates for myself when I can’t fulfill them? Shit.

why’d mom have to wake up? December 3, 2007

So what’s basically been happening is that my mom had to work on her work schedule all day and I barely got anything done! I’m an idiot and saved the next Letting Go chapter on my mom’s laptop, you see, and I haven’t put the file on my flashdrive yet. So now I have to crank out that stupid chapter or feel like a complete failure. 

I was happy earlier because both Larrkin and Kira Takenouchi update today, and I love their work so much. I was really excited and…I won’t say wasted, because I wasn’t wasting time, I was reading some lovely stories. But I was slacking off. So, my apologies. I’m working on it now, though, so I hope I can get it posted in the next few hours.

okay, i know, i suck! December 2, 2007

I got some transferring done today. I put in most of what I hand-wrote today on Letting Go. I’m gonna try my hardest to have it up by tomorrow. I hate disappearing on my stories. I feel like such a failure. Like with Slaves and Gods! I left it and everyone left me, too. It sucked. No one commented at all on the last chapter and I practically cried! I left so upset… I need to write the next chapter, but I also need to finish up that chapter on Clone to Remember (which I’ve started, but haven’t finished). I got a comment a few weeks ago on it… I get comments on it still, occasionally. Like, this guy, Will, gave me really nice comments, and now I’m worried about updating again. I’m afraid he won’t comment and then it’ll mean that he abandoned my story. I know I’m overreacting, but that’s what I do. Actually, its been a really long time since he last commented. We even spoke a bit. It was nice, he really encouraged me.As for the comment I received a few weeks ago, the commenter said that my writing had really improved from my first chapter.   

I know my stories have horrible beginnings. Especially Clone to Remember, which is one of my first stories. The thing is, even though I knew the comment was a compliment, I was bawling over it. Why didn’t he/she like my first chapters? I was so upset, but I really want to blame it on the fact that it was sent to me when I was having extreme emotional problems that weekend. (I don’t want to go into it.)

  Oh crap, I’m being an idiot. I’m completely falling for this guy I’m talking to on Advanced Anime . As far as I know, he lives in North Carolina(I think, I always forget) and is a senior in high school. We’ve been talking for over a month and he makes me actually like myself. I told him about how ugly and fat I am, but he still said so many nice things to me and made me laugh so much. I feel like I matter when I speak to him. I know he’s probably some 40 year-old pervert sitting in his mother’s basement while imaging a skinny, timid high schooler, only saying that she’s fat, like Emma said, but he still makes me feel happy. Its not like I’m gonna set up a date with him or anything, or plan to ever meet him, but…I don’t know. I’m happy while messaging him. Its dumb, I know. I need a real boyfriend. Problem is, no one likes me.

rain, rain, i’m pissed at you! December 1, 2007

It rained all day. When we were walking to my house, Luis and I were soaked. He got hit by a car splash twice! I felt so bad for him. And he even held the umbrella out for me. It would’ve been both of us the second time, but he stepped in the way. He’s such a nice guy. And I actually got to talk to him today, which was a first. We talked about if he would fail or not if he didn’t do the essay in English, I figured out the percentages, and even with his high A, he’ll rank an F if he doesn’t do something for the essay. So we figured he can do a shitty essay (60%) as long as he completes all the worksheets (30%) and manages a decent presentation (30%). That essay is what took up all my time last night. I stayed up really late completing my final draft and creating a PowerPoint slideshow for it to gain extra points on the presentation, and ended up going to sleep around midnight. Thankfully, I convinced my mom to let me stay home through first and second period. So, no work on Letting Go last night, but I got a bit done in sixth period, because Mr. Bastien is extremely boring and never shuts up. I got a few paragraphs down while he was reviewing triangles or whatever.   I’m free over the weekend, so I’ll probably update then, between working on science homework. Oh crap, that test is on Wednesday, isn’t it? Which is also when my crack-addict sister is coming home from Dad’s. Dammit! Fuck Wednesday. Nothing much to say today…. I snuck into Hitman with Shawn and Luis and it was a pretty good movie. I liked it. And Luis kept making jokes in it. Also, I want John’s phone. Its a Verizon one that opens as a keyboard and a flip phone. I love it! And I got really good at typing on it. I could text like crazy with it! Dammit. If anyone has one laying around, could you hack it and make it work for Sprint? I’d love you for life! 

letting go is coming soon November 30, 2007

So I’ve gotten some of Letting Go done, but I have an essay and a powerpoint to finish tonight, but if I get them done before ten, I’ll work on my update.   I’m really excited for tomorrow, because I want to go to the movies so bad and me and my friends are going. I know its slacking off, but come on. Gotta give me something. Things with Hallie haven’t been too hot lately. Again.   Also, the clock is way off. Its only eight at night here. 

next update November 24, 2007

Letting Go is next on my schedule.  Also, I updated Dear Diary, I’m Writing to Say I Miss You. Its sort of sloppy, so I plan to go over it again later, but not today. Today is for Letting Go!

you want to do what at 3 AM?? November 24, 2007

So my mom and sister went shopping on Black Friday or whatever. They ended up sleeping through the alarm and only got up at 4 because I was cold sleeping on the couch downstairs and wanted a bed. So I kicked my mom out and they went shopping. I can’t believe they did it. But Hallie told me a few of my presents they got. Hal got me some Naruto game as a symbol of how little she knows me because I hate that show. Whatever, if I said I didn’t like it, she’d cry.

So the cousins are coming over today. Whoopee. Kristy better not babble on about her retarded boyfriend. Even her dad thinks he’s gay. I’ve never met him and I think he’s gay!

No one had better call me Linda or Lindsay.

Fine, Its Fine November 22, 2007

I don’t get my mother. She’s been screaming at me all day. Why? 

1.  I don’t like ham
2. I don’t like pie
3. I don’t like nuts
4. I’m too tired
5. I’m ‘grumpy’
6. I admit that my crack-addict sister would do something better me
7. For some strange reason, I’m not excited about getting up at 3 in the morning for some retarded shopping thing

 How dare I! Sorry, mother, I’ll try t be better.  She keeps yelling at me and babying Hallie (my crack-addict sister). I didn’t do anything ! I’ve never done drugs, I’ve always passed all my classes with a B or higher, I didn’t drop out of highschool. Why is she taking it out on me?  She basically gave up on Hallie and is funneling all her anger towards me. She can’t bitch at Rachel because she’s been successful. I haven’t had the chance to be successful in life yet, so I’m open game. Whatever. Its not like today is anything like  Thanksgiving.